This is the man who sang, “I want it all and I want it now.” It seemed like he succeeded yet he said: “Most people wonder how someone like Freddie Mercury can be lonely… You seem to have everything, yet you have nothing. You see, loneliness doesn’t mean just shut off in a room by yourself, it can be that you’re in a crowded area but still be the most lonely person, and that’s the most hurtful thing.” Heartbreakingly, Freddie also opened up about why he thought nobody would ever love the “real” him.
These days, celebrities openly talk endlessly about every part of their lives and their emotional frailties. Twenty and thirty years ago, Freddie was laying his soul bare in a fearless way. Yet, he was deeply afraid of the thing everyone wants most.
He said; “Can you imagine how terrible it is when you’ve got everything and you’re still desperately lonely? That is awful beyond words…
“I fee I’m walking around with scars all over the place and I just think I couldn’t take another scar. I get hurt but I try not to make too much of a show of it.”
Typically direct, he also explained why he got hurt so often.
Freddie said: “I try to hold back when I’m attracted to someone but I just can’t control love. It runs riot. I fall in love far too quickly and end up getting hurt all the time…
“I may be tough on the outside but I’m very soft-centered. I have this hard macho shell which I project on stage but there’s a much softer side which melts like butter…
“The problem with love is that you lose control and that is a very vulnerable state to be in. I would love to have a beautiful relationship with someone, but it never seems to work out. What I would like most of all is to be in a state of blissful love.
“Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat, in fear because I am alone.”
But Freddie also admitted that he didn’t make it easy for those around him.
He said; “I’m a man of extremes and I can be very destructive. I can be over-emotional and that can be a destructive trait in me too. I seem to eat people up when they get too close and destroy them, no matter how hard I try to make things work… I try very hard to build up relationships but somehow I drive people away…
“I’m the nicest person you could meet, my dears, but I’m very hard to live with. I don’t think anyone could put up with me.”
Of course, in the end, Freddie found lifelong love with Mary Austin and happiness at home with Jim Austin. Hopefully, some of those scars were finally healed.
All quotes from Freddie Mercury: A Life, In His Own Words